Communal Charisma man

So, I went out with some people the other night. One of my friends is leaving for another city and it was a goodbye party.  I don't normally go out in big groups of foreigners (OK, I hardly ever go out full stop, but let's pretend I'm a social butterfly for the moment, shall we), so I had sort of forgotten what foreign men become in a group.

Almost all of the guys in this group are lovely individually (apart from that one, annoying one who keeps making the same tired joke that wasn't funny the first three times, and explaining it really doesn't make it funny either, but skip past him) but put them together and they become a communal "Charisma man", the stereotype of the foreign man who comes to Japan and finds himself popular among women for the first time in his life.

I've always defended my fellow foreigners when they're labelled "Charisma Man", because, as with every stereotype, it's unfair to the ones who are actually good people who aren't particularly arrogant. Having said that, as with every stereotype, there's some degree of truth.

We were all sitting in a bar, 7 gaijin and 2 Japanese friends, when the girls at the next table came over to say hello. Cue the guys at the table to act like Brad Pitt being interrupted from a quiet dinner with Angelina. The rolling of the eyes, the reluctant answer, being nice was just beyond these guys, suddenly. The girls in question were going to Canada in the summer and wanted to know if we could tell them anything about it. We told them none of us were Canadian, and that most of us were from England.

"Oh, is England near Canada?" she asked, all Bambi eyes.

"Well, clearly you need a map, huh huh huh."

This was followed by sychophantic laughter, while the poor girl stood there, laughing along with that look on her face that you have when you don't really get the joke, but feel like you should laugh anyway.

 After almost 6 years here, I know how annoying it is to be answering stupid questions all day long, and how irritiating it is to have your evening constantly interrupted by people keen to have a "I met a Gaijin the other day" story to tell their friends. It is tempting to be downright rude, I usually just answer politely, bow and walk away, which may seem rude to some, but I just don't have enough hours in the day for everyone's questions, I have things to do people. The one thing I refuse to do is take the piss. A joke is only funny if both parties find it so, if you're having a laugh at someone's expense, it stops being funny when that person doesn't get it. It starts being cruel, and these otherwise nice guys were being cruel to a girl just trying to get ready for her big adventure to Canada.

I've been on the receiving end in Japan, where a group of people are having a laugh abot something I said or did, but I didn't get it. It made me feel utterly stupid, foolish and like I should just turn around and go home before I humiliate myself further. That's why I felt so sorry for this poor girl, although I'm not even sure she was that bothered.

Once the girls had moved on, the guys went back to their normal selves, and were unfailingly polite, as always. So, it was not only a case of communal Charisma man, it was also a case of temporary Charisma man.